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+---
+visibility: public
+---
+
+# relationship maintenance systems
+
+how to actually maintain relationships at scale without it feeling like a chore. the system should feel like a natural extension of caring about people, not a sales pipeline.
+
+the core principle: **intentionality compounds.** a 5-minute text every month turns into a deep friendship over 2 years. the people who seem effortlessly connected aren't effortless — they're systematic.
+
+---
+
+## the tiered relationship system
+
+not all relationships need the same frequency. trying to maintain weekly contact with 100 people will burn you out and annoy half of them. instead: tier your relationships by desired frequency.
+
+### the tiers
+
+**tier 1 — weekly (5-10 people)**
+your closest people. the ones you'd call at 2am. you should be in regular contact — texts, calls, hanging out. this tier doesn't need a system; it happens naturally. if it's not happening, the relationship might not be tier 1.
+
+example tier 1: your closest friends, co-founders, partners, family you're tight with.
+
+**tier 2 — monthly (15-25 people)**
+strong relationships that need regular watering. a monthly check-in keeps these warm. a text, a voice memo, grabbing coffee, sending them something relevant.
+
+example tier 2: good friends you don't see weekly, mentors, close collaborators, people you genuinely enjoy.
+
+**tier 3 — quarterly (30-50 people)**
+people you like and respect but don't need frequent contact with. a quarterly ping — "saw this and thought of you," "how's [specific thing] going?" — keeps the connection alive.
+
+example tier 3: former colleagues, friends from past chapters of life, people you clicked with at events, interesting acquaintances.
+
+**tier 4 — annual (50-100+ people)**
+the long tail. a birthday message, a holiday note, a congratulations on a life event. the goal isn't deep connection — it's keeping the door open.
+
+example tier 4: college acquaintances, conference connections, friends-of-friends you've met once or twice, professional network.
+
+### the math
+at these frequencies, maintaining 124 contacts looks like:
+- 8 tier 1 × weekly = 8 touches/week
+- 20 tier 2 × monthly = 5 touches/week
+- 40 tier 3 × quarterly = 3 touches/week
+- 56 tier 4 × annual = 1 touch/week
+
+that's ~17 touchpoints per week, or about 2-3 per day. most of these are a quick text. totally doable.
+
+---
+
+## what a "touchpoint" actually looks like
+
+this is not about sending generic "checking in!" messages. each tier has natural touchpoint styles.
+
+### low-effort, high-signal
+- **the relevant share:** "saw this article about [their interest] and thought of you" — shows you remember what they care about
+- **the reaction:** reply to their instagram story or tweet with something specific, not just an emoji
+- **the congratulations:** "congrats on [specific thing]" when they post about a milestone
+- **the recommendation:** "you should check out [thing] — feels right up your alley"
+
+### medium-effort
+- **the voice memo:** 60 seconds of genuine update. more personal than text, less commitment than a call.
+- **the question:** "hey, you know a lot about [topic] — quick question: [question]." people love being asked for their expertise.
+- **the invite:** "i'm going to [event] on friday — want to come?" including people is the easiest form of generosity.
+- **the introduction:** "you and [person] should know each other because [specific reason]." (see the double opt-in intro page)
+
+### high-effort (reserve for tier 1-2)
+- **the handwritten note:** rare enough to be memorable. send one after a meaningful conversation or when someone does something impressive.
+- **the gift:** doesn't need to be expensive. a book you loved, something related to their hobby, a joke gift referencing an inside joke.
+- **the in-person visit:** traveling to see someone, or making time when you're in their city.
+
+---
+
+## crm tools
+
+you need something to track who you should reach out to and when. the tool matters less than the habit.
+
+### dex
+personal CRM that syncs with linkedin, email, and social media. auto-updates contact info when people change jobs. good for people who have lots of professional contacts. browser extension integrates with linkedin and gmail so you can add notes in context.
+
+**best for:** professionals building large networks, people who want automated reminders.
+
+### monica (open source)
+self-hosted personal CRM. tracks contacts, relationships between people, important dates, gift ideas, activities, debts, journal entries. no ads, no data harvesting. you own your data.
+
+**best for:** privacy-conscious people who want full control. requires some technical setup to self-host.
+
+### notion/spreadsheet
+the simplest option. a table with: name, tier, last contact date, next contact date, notes, context. sort by "next contact date" each week and work through the list.
+
+**columns that matter:**
+- name
+- tier (1-4)
+- last contacted
+- next contact due
+- how you met
+- what they care about (the most important column)
+- open threads (things you talked about that you can follow up on)
+
+**best for:** people who want full control without learning a new tool. harrison runs a 124+ contact system this way.
+
+### the "good enough" system
+if a full CRM feels heavy, try this: set a weekly recurring reminder that says "reach out to 3 people." open your contacts, scroll until someone jumps out, text them something genuine. no tracking, no tiers — just regular, lightweight outreach. better than no system.
+
+---
+
+## deliberate relationship repair
+
+sometimes relationships drift or break. the instinct is to let them fade, but many are worth repairing — especially when the distance was circumstantial, not personal.
+
+### harrison's orbit experience
+during the orbit internship, relationships with ashray and enyu needed repair. the approach that worked: **one-on-one walks.** not a confrontation, not a group setting. walking side by side, talking about what happened, no agenda beyond reconnecting.
+
+### why walks work for repair
+- side-by-side is less confrontational than face-to-face
+- movement reduces tension
+- no time pressure (unlike a scheduled meeting)
+- the physical activity gives you something to do during silences
+- you can't check your phone
+
+### the repair framework
+1. **acknowledge the gap.** "we haven't talked in a while. i wanted to change that." simple, direct, no guilt-tripping.
+2. **take responsibility for your part.** even if it's just "i should have reached out sooner." this creates safety.
+3. **ask, don't assume.** "how have you been? what's been going on?" don't project your narrative onto their experience.
+4. **make the next step concrete.** "want to grab coffee next wednesday?" vague "we should hang out" goes nowhere.
+
+### when not to repair
+- if the relationship was actually toxic
+- if the other person has clearly signaled they don't want contact
+- if you're only reaching out because you need something
+
+---
+
+## the "intentionality compounds" principle
+
+small, consistent investments in relationships create disproportionate returns over time. the math is non-obvious:
+
+- texting someone monthly for a year = 12 touchpoints = a real friendship
+- helping someone once when they need it = they remember you for years
+- introducing two people who click = both associate you with good things forever
+- showing up to someone's event when nobody else does = loyalty
+
+the mistake most people make: they invest in relationships only when they need something. by then it's too late — the account is empty.
+
+the system works in reverse too: when you need help, the people you've been consistently investing in are the ones who show up. not because of obligation — because the relationship is real.
+
+---
+
+## common failure modes
+
+**over-systematizing:** if your CRM feels like a sales funnel, you've gone too far. the system should remind you to reach out. the actual interaction should be genuine.
+
+**frequency mismatch:** reaching out weekly to someone who's a quarterly relationship feels like stalking. read the signal. if someone takes 2 weeks to respond, they're probably tier 3-4, not tier 1-2.
+
+**the "checking in" trap:** "hey, just checking in!" is the emptiest possible message. always include something specific — a question, a share, a reference to something you last talked about.
+
+**guilt spirals:** you'll miss weeks. you'll let touchpoints slip. this is normal. don't let guilt about a missed month turn into six months of avoidance. just reach out. "it's been a while — been thinking about you" always works.
+
+**treating it like networking:** the goal is not to "build a network." the goal is to maintain relationships with people you genuinely care about. if you're reaching out to someone only because they might be useful, stop. they can tell.
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