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+
+# social strategy: the graph search approach to people
+
+the most useful social framework i learned came from a combination of startup mentors, a VC visitor, and my own experience reaching out to hundreds of people over several months.
+
+## the node theory
+
+"once you find a node, don't let go. good nodes bring you in flows of people." a startup cofounder framed networking as graph search:
+
+- people are nodes
+- connections are edges
+- exceptional people tend to cluster
+- finding one exceptional person gives you access to their entire cluster
+- "when finding a node, chance that it's connected [to others] given that everyone is searching is very high"
+
+a VC visitor had a similar model: building a talent search engine where people are valued by their connections and updated with new information. "have a lot of false positives — people who seem smart that aren't actually smart." the big question isn't avoiding false positives — it's avoiding false negatives (missing exceptional people).
+
+## the event heuristic
+
+"if there's even a 1% chance [of meeting someone exceptional], you should go."
+
+some of the best connections came from mediocre events. the event quality doesn't determine the people quality — it's a search problem. go, find the interesting people, ignore the rest.
+
+practical: arrive with an intention. "when going to event, have an intention." not "i'll network" — something specific like "i want to find 2 people working on X" or "i want to practice presenting my project."
+
+## the reach-out system
+
+"just reach out. lots of people are very cool. ignore the not cool ones."
+
+my approach evolved:
+1. find interesting people (through events, mutual connections, online presence)
+2. reach out with something specific (not "let's chat" — "i saw your work on X, i'm working on something related")
+3. have a 15-30 minute conversation
+4. follow up within 24 hours
+5. maintain the relationship with periodic check-ins
+
+"spending time helping [a mentor] with his stuff" — the best relationships are mutual. find ways to be useful, not just to extract value.
+
+a mentor: "open to chatting at least once every two weeks." this is the cadence that works — frequent enough to maintain momentum, infrequent enough to not be annoying.
+
+## reading people
+
+"reading people is a really good skill. you can also refine it by just telling your read of them to them."
+
+learned at the startup: form a quick impression, then check it against reality.
+
+things that signal quality:
+- passion (not just talking about it — actually doing it)
+- exceptionality (doing things that most people in their position wouldn't do)
+- curiosity (asking questions, not just making statements)
+- proactiveness (creating opportunities, not waiting for them)
+
+things that are unreliable signals:
+- credentials alone ("lots of programs are kinda just mid even though they have a lot of good stuff on their website")
+- confidence alone ("unless you really know a person, they are probably less cool and less smart than you think")
+- talking a big game without showing results
+
+## the appreciation habit
+
+"consistent with show appreciation. a friend very much has a good habit of being like 'i think you're cool, like your projects.'"
+
+proactive appreciation is a superpower for relationship maintenance. tactics:
+- take selfies with people at events, send them after
+- mention specific conversation items and jokes in follow-ups ("kindness notes: mention specific things especially conversation items")
+- do something special — personalized notes, custom format, anything that shows effort
+- initiate appreciation circles at gatherings
+
+"for appreciation of people, it's a bit hard for me — need to make it easier." the solution: mark moments of genuine appreciation in real-time (in notes) so you have specific things to reference later.
+
+## the mutual growth model
+
+the startup cofounder's life plan: "make the best team. grow alongside them. be able to grow them the best, and understand them the best. synergy is crazy powerful."
+
+this reframed social strategy from "networking for opportunities" to "building a growth ecosystem." the people around you aren't resources — they're compounding assets, just like the [[stocks metaphor|wiki/mentorship/the-stocks-metaphor]] applied to relationships.
+
+"there is a need for mutual willingness to spend time together. it matters. hard to make friends so if someone good, hold on. also bouncing ideas + creative flow that comes with talking to people."
+
+the best social strategy isn't strategy at all — it's genuine investment in people who genuinely invest back. everything else is just tactics for finding those people faster.
+
+---
+
+*see also: [[social wins|wiki/things-that-worked/social-wins]], [[asking good questions|wiki/mentorship/asking-good-questions]], [[the stocks metaphor|wiki/mentorship/the-stocks-metaphor]]*
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