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+
+# relationship repair
+
+deliberate strategies for fixing friction with teammates. not avoiding conflict — resolving it.
+
+## the one-on-one walk
+
+at a neurotech startup, i deliberately repaired relationships with two teammates who initially seemed annoying. the strategy: intentional one-on-one walks.
+
+walks work because:
+- you're side-by-side, not face-to-face (less confrontational)
+- the change of scenery lowers defenses (see [[zooming-out]])
+- walking pace creates natural pauses — no pressure to fill silence
+- it signals investment — you're spending time specifically on this person
+
+the key word is *deliberate*. these weren't accidental encounters. i identified friction, decided to address it, and created opportunities for connection.
+
+## connect intentionally
+
+"connect intentionally — talk to people you can learn from, but also chat with people you're not closest with." relationship repair isn't just about fixing broken relationships. it's about proactively building connections before they break.
+
+the people you're not closest with on a team are often the ones you'll have the most friction with. investing early prevents the need for repair later.
+
+## express, don't demand
+
+from a team experience: "best path is to just tell them how i'm feeling, don't ask for anything, and just keep working" (see [[feedback-and-honesty]]).
+
+the instinct is to demand change: "you need to do X differently." but that creates defensiveness. the alternative: share your experience without asking for anything. "i felt X when Y happened." then keep working. often, the other person adjusts on their own.
+
+## suspicion is poison
+
+suspicion makes team dynamics cooked. once you start assuming ill will, every action confirms your bias. the fix: "assume no ill will, assume fighting own battle" (see [[team-dynamics]]).
+
+## comforting vs. scary leadership
+
+i noticed a contrast between leaders who build people up and leaders who push through fear. both can be effective, but the comforting style creates more durable relationships. "make people feel good" — this is [[gratitude-and-appreciation]] applied to leadership.
+
+## when repair isn't possible
+
+"picking the right people is very important, working with people you don't vibe with is tiring." sometimes the issue isn't fixable through repair — it's a fundamental mismatch. recognizing when to invest in repair vs. when to move on is its own skill.
+
+see also: [[team-dynamics]], [[feedback-and-honesty]], [[gratitude-and-appreciation]], [[zooming-out]], [[intentionality]]
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