networking as extraction

(common gotcha)

what happened

approaching every conversation thinking "what can this person do for me?" people can feel it, and they disengage.

why it's a gotcha

transactional networking is obvious and repulsive. if every conversation you have is angled toward getting something — a referral, an intro, a job — people will avoid you. the irony is that generous networkers get more opportunities than extractive ones. this is the same "don't be transactional" lesson that applies to dealing with admin — and even to extracting advice from mentors.

the fix

lead with curiosity, not credentials. ask what they're working on. offer something useful — a relevant article, a connection to someone they should meet, genuine feedback on their project. the best networking doesn't feel like networking. lead with what you do, not what you want, and when you follow up, lead with value, not asks.